April 2011 Vol. 5, Issue 4
Your connection to the latest news and information from PC&CC
 

Is She Black or White?
      When my daughter was a newborn I was in a store when a girl about 7 years old looked at her, looked at me, and asked, “Is this baby yours?”
      Her mother looked terrified and held her hand as if to say, “Please let’s go, and how could you ask this question?” But the girl proceeded, “But she is white!”
      I smiled and responded, “You said she is white, but she is delicious! You know why?” She said, “No.” I said, “Because she is vanilla and chocolate. She is both black like me, and white like her father – like vanilla and chocolate ice cream, she is delicious!” The girl smiled and said, “Yeah! She is delicious!”
      The Washington metropolitan area is a tossed salad of people of many races and cultures. A biracial, bicultural family should not be abnormal, however I hear many comments about our children. At first I only smiled or ignored the comments, but as a parent it is important for me to ensure secure and healthy development for my biracial, bicultural children. Studies indicate that biracial children have the added challenges of developing and integrating dual cultural identities, as well as developing both a personal identity and a positive racial identity. The following practical suggestions are result of my research about how to raise my children.
Use narratives - They help to start conversations about race. Research has shown that telling stories about the parent’s own childhood is one of the most powerful ways to strengthen the child-parent bond.
Provide Labels - Racial identity is a unique issue for biracial children in that, biologically, they have a dual racial heritage. It is important to be a step ahead and teach your child how to describe themselves before others do.
Monitor your own attitudes about race and reactions about other races or cultures.
Maintain an open dialogue - Talking about race routinely indicates the parents are open to answer questions and discuss concerns about race.
Be involved - Monitor, and if necessary, intervene in your child’s relationships with friends and peers. Engaging the child in activities that make her feel good, can build self-esteem and counteract negative messages from others.
Celebrate Diversity - It is important to provide opportunities for biracial children to develop positive images of themselves including their racial heritage. Positive self-images are nurtured in interactions and activities in which children are able to identify with positive role models that include family members, peer group, school and community members.
      I hope that as a caregiver, my baby is encouraged to see herself as a whole person with diverse cultural and racial backgrounds, talents, interests, and experiences. And when pressured from others to choose one distinct racial label, I hope she will feel comfortable enough to just say, “I am delicious.”
EVENT SPOTLIGHT: Communologue Training in June
      PC&CC/The Imago Center is excited to sponsor a two-day Communologue training with world-renowned Imago therapist Orli Wahrman this June. Communologue is a powerful tool for applying Imago Relationship principles in a group context. Participants will learn about two of Wahrman’s successful Communologue projects: the Palestinian/Israeli Imago Project and the Jewish-Arab co-existence group.
     Wahrman lives in Israel and runs a private psychotherapy practice that incorporates Imago and Communologue to work with couples. She also is an Imago workshop presenter, clinical supervisor, and Imago International faculty member.
     The training will take place June 10-11, from 9am-5pm, at Washington Theological Union in Takoma Park, DC. Participants enrolling prior to May 27 will pay $300, and the cost increases to $350 after that date. For more information or to register, please contact PC&CC/The Imago Center Executive Director Carl Siegel here.
REFERRAL CORNER: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder    
     Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has received more media attention lately with the return of soldiers from Afghanistan and Iraq. PTSD is an anxiety disorder resulting from an experience of or exposure to traumatic events such as combat, car accidents, physical or sexual abuse, assaults and other dangerous situations which threaten death or serious injury. People suffering from PTSD have symptoms that include:
      1) Re-experiencing: Individuals will re-experience the trauma through flashbacks, nightmares, and reliving of events. Events, words, thoughts or symbols that remind the person of the trauma can trigger re-experiencing and cause emotional distress and physical reactions.
      2) Avoidance: After trauma, people may avoid thinking, feeling or talking about their experience or avoid activities, places or people associated with the incident or incidences. Other avoidance symptoms are an inability to recall parts of the event, a loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable, feelings of guilt, feelings of being detached from others, and having a sense of a shorter future.
     3) Increased arousal: Symptoms include problems sleeping, irritability, anger, difficultly in concentrating, hypervigilance, and being easily startled.  
     It is normal to have strong emotions, fears or anxiety after a traumatic event. If the symptoms last more than a month or are significantly interfering with your life, it may be time to seek professional assistance. PTSD can be successfully treated through psychotherapy or a combination of psychotherapy and medication. The staff at PC&CC are available to help.   
Information culled from Desk Reference to the Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV-TR (2000) and the Mayo Clinic.
NEWS & NOTES
  • Beret Moyer will lead a 6-week parenting class at All Saints Church in Chevy Chase beginning April 17, stressing the importance of being the kind of parent you want your kids to model, and that who you are matters more than what you do. For more information, email Moyer here.
  • Nathan Gehlert was recently quoted in an article addressing parenting and online privacy. Read the full article here.
  • Joanne Comstock plans to attend the American Psychological Association Division 36 (Psychology of Religion) Mid-Year Conference this month.
  • Last month, Cindy Thurston Bare led a two-hour session teaching Imago dialogue to couples facing challenges building their families. Bare was invited by Lisa Eaves of Heal from Within, who leads mindfulness-based stress reduction workshops for women undergoing infertility treatments or the adoption process. As part of the workshop, Lisa hosts a “couples day” and has invited Bare to speak several times.
  • Ginny Graham recently attended the Psychotherapy Networker Conference where she learned more about AEDP by participating in Diana Fosha's workshop entitled: Accessing the Higher Self: From Suffering to Flourishing. 
  • Stacy Notaras Murphy’s most recent Counseling Today article looks at how sensory processing disorder manifests in adults and how counselors can tune into sensory processing issues with that population. Read the full article here.
  • PC&CC/The Imago Center will offer the Start Right/Stay Connected Imago premarital workshop on April 16 at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church – Capitol Hill, from 9am-5:30pm. Call 202-449-3789 for more information or email us.
  • Our " Getting the Love You Want" workshops for couples led by Carl Siegel and Rebecca Sears can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next workshop will be July 9-10 at the Washington Theological Union in Takoma Park, DC. Please call Siegel for more information at 202-449-3789 x701. 
RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH: Out of the Routine
     In my own life, and in the relationships I observe with couples in treatment, I’m struck by how seemingly stuck we can get in our routines. Overall, routines do make a lot of sense. But they can get in the way of spontaneity and change. Sometimes, couples want to start their session by sharing with me something that went well for them in the previous week. Most of the time these “successes” of connection, fun, or happiness result from having done something out of the ordinary or unexpected. In many ways, we can’t expect different results if we’re continually doing the same things.
     So, this month think about doing something different together at the last minute, go on that trip you’ve been thinking about for year, or just get up off the couch and go for a walk together. Who knows, something different might just happen.

The Pastoral Counseling and Consultation Center of Greater Washington
7003 Piney Branch Road, NW | Washington DC, 20012
 7 Convenient Locations in DC Metro Area
www.pastoralcounselingdc.com | 202-449-3789