REFERRAL CORNER: Just Say No

     Many of us struggle with saying “no” to other people. We may worry about disappointing someone, or about failing to be the type of person others can count on. But learning to say no – and to accept it when others say no to us – is an important part of self care. When we say no we are able to preserve time for ourselves, while also modeling the good behavior of boundary setting.

     Sharon L. Johnson offers the following guidelines to help overcome the guilt of saying no:
1. Is the request reasonable?
2. Ask for more information to clarify what all the facts are.
3. Practice saying “no.”
4. Quit apologizing, if it is something that you do not want to do or cannot do. Banish, “I’m sorry, but…” from your vocabulary.
     She follows up with a review on the consequences of saying “yes.”
1. You will end up angry with yourself for doing something you don’t want to do.
2. It will get in the way or distract you from doing things you really want to do.
3. Resentment develops and builds on itself.
4. Because you are doing something you don’t want to do, but aren’t being honest, it leads to a lack of communication and dishonest communication.

     Many of us feel overworked and depleted because we are uncomfortable saying no to certain things. Making a pact with yourself – or an accountability partner – can help you say no to doing too much, and reserve some downtime for yourself. Of course, if you are a person who always says "no" to everything, your opportunity to stretch and grow may be in committing to say yes to new things that boost your happiness and connection to your community.

PC&CC counselors are always available to consult on stress relief and self-care techniques.

Information culled from Sharon L. Johnson's Therapist's Guide to Clinical Interventions.

PC&CC News & Notes

• Cindy Thurston Bare will present "Spirituality and Infertility" at the 2009 RESOLVE Family Building Conference in McLean, Va. on Sept. 12. This interactive session will help participants examine how their personal faith may be influencing their family building journey. Visit the RESOLVE website for more details and registration. Bare is a professional member of RESOLVE.
• Rebecca Sears will join Imago Relationship Therapy founder Harville Hendrix in presenting a "Flexible Access Clinical Training" session in Imago on Oct. 30-31 at Loyola College's Columbia, Md. graduate center. The two-day introductory course offers 12 continuing education credits and the opportunity to study with the father Imago Relationship Therapy. Contact Loyola's Monique Daniels for more information at 410-617-7608 or email her.
• The ongoing QuarterLife+10 therapy group for professionals in their mid-20s to mid-30s is open to additional members. Topics include work/career, spirituality, relationships, and exploring the question "Where do I want to be in 10 years?" For more information, please contact Cate Shea at 202-449-3789 x704 or email her.
• Our "Getting the Love You Want" workshops for couples led by Carl Siegel and Rebecca Sears can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next workshop will be Sept 5-6. Please call Carl for more information at 202-449-3789 x701.  

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