August 2011 Vol. 5, Issue 8
Your connection to the latest news and information from PC&CC
 

Relationship Tip of the Month:
Safeguarding Your Relationship
By Norma Stevens
     As a therapist, I see many couples who have experienced an affair.
     Affairs can be devastating to a relationship – both to the partner who was betrayed as well as the one who had the affair. According to Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., affairs can happen even in “good” marriages. In her book, Not “Just Friends”: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal, she identified the workplace as one of the most common hot spots for affairs to happen. In today’s world, men and women are working closely with each other in many professions. These relationships provide opportunity which Glass identifies as one of the primary factors in infidelity. Work relationships can start out as platonic friendships, become emotionally intimate and can eventually become sexual. She offers the following seven tips to safeguard your relationship (p.381):
  • “Maintain appropriate walls and windows.”  Put up walls between you and others who could be a potential threat to your relationship and keep the window open between you and your partner.
  • “Recognize that work can be a danger zone.”  Keep boundaries up between yourself and coworkers.  Avoid having lunch with the same person every day.  When traveling, keep your meetings in public places.
  • “Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship.”  “Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you,” says Glass.
  • “Protect your relationship by discussing relationship issues at home.”  Discuss issues with your partner, but if you have to confide in someone outside the relationship, choose someone who supports your relationship. 
  • “Keep old flames from reigniting.” Don’t meet your former girlfriend or boyfriend alone.  Take along your spouse if you anticipate meeting a previous partner at a social event.
  • “Don’t go over the line when you’re online with Internet friends.”  Include your partner in on-line friendships and be willing to share emails. 
  • “Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage.”  It is important to have friends that share your value of a monogamous relationship. 
  • Maintaining open and honest communication with your partner, and keeping appropriate boundaries with others are keys to protecting your relationship.
BLOG CENTRAL
     Our bloggers have been hard at work this month. You can check out our blog page or click on these highlights:
  • Meredith Jansen reflects on lauded therapist Marsha Linehan’s recent revelations about her own mental illness.
  • What makes a good marriage? Robert Gordon offers his two cents.
  • Lena Aburdene contemplates the 3-month rule in dating. 
  • The interplay between food and connection is on the table for Beret Moyer.
  • Stacy Notaras Murphy continues meditating on parenthood – in particular how hard it is to be honest about its costs and benefits.
NEWS & NOTES
  • Ginny Graham will attend the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies at the Reinbeck Campus this month, where she will participate in a workshop entitled, Love & Awakening: Intimate Relationship as a Practice of Presence, given by John Welwood Ph.D. and Jennifer Welwood MFT. Like all of the Welwoods’ work, this workshop integrates psychology and spirituality in relationship work. Through talks, experiential exercises, communication practices and meditation, participants will deepen their understanding of how to move from conditioned, reactive patterns to genuine intimacy.
  • Joanne Comstock has been asked to teach in Wesley Theological Seminary's Doctor of Ministry program. She also recently attended a training on cybersex and pornography addiction led by David Delmonico, Ph.D., and Martin Kafka, M.D.
  • Cindy Bare and Kevin Berrill will lead the next Start Right/Stay Connected premarital workshop Aug. 8 from 9am-5pm. To learn more about the program, click here, or read Kevin’s recent blogpost on his experience leading the workshop. To register, please email Shelly Webb or call her at 410-409-9423.
  • “ Single in the City” is our new support group for women in their 20s and 30s. It will take place at our Capitol Hill location on Wednesday evenings, with another daytime group to be determined.  Contact Lena Aburdene at 202-449-3789 x704 for more information, or email her .
  • Our " Getting the Love You Want" workshops for couples led by Carl Siegel and Rebecca Sears can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next workshop will be Sept. 10-11 at the Washington Theological Union in Takoma Park, DC. Please call Carl for more information at 202-449-3789 x701.
     

The Pastoral Counseling and Consultation Center of Greater Washington
7003 Piney Branch Road, NW | Washington DC, 20012
 7 Convenient Locations in DC Metro Area
www.pastoralcounselingdc.com | 202-449-3789