Holidaze?

Stress and Depression Arrive With Bells On
     Despite expectations to the contrary, the holidays often bring on bouts of stress and depression in addition to seasonal cheer. The Mayo Clinic has identified three main trigger points of holiday stress and depression including relationships, finances, and physical demands. But realistic planning can help people cope with the circumstances and actually enjoy themselves more. To that end, the Mayo Clinic staff has developed the following list of 12 Tips for Coping with holiday pressures:

     1. Acknowledge your feelings. If a loved one has recently died or you aren't able to be with your loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness or grief. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.

     2. Seek support. If you feel isolated or down, seek out family members and friends, or community, religious or social services. They can offer support and companionship.

     3. Be realistic. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Hold on to those you can and want to. But accept that you may have to let go of others.

     4. Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Practice forgiveness.

     5. Stick to a budget. Be sure to stick to your budget. If you don't, you could feel anxious and tense for months afterward as you struggle to pay the bills.

     6. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities.

     7. Learn to say no. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can't do certain projects or activities. If you say yes only to what you really want to do, you'll avoid feeling resentful, bitter and overwhelmed.

     8. Don't abandon healthy habits. Some indulgence is OK, but overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.

     9. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do.

     10. Rethink resolutions. Resolutions can set you up for failure if they're unrealistic. Don't resolve to change your whole life to make up for past excess. Instead, try to return to basic, healthy lifestyle routines.

     11. Forget about perfection. Holiday TV specials are filled with happy endings. But in real life, people don't usually resolve problems within an hour or two. Accept imperfections in yourself and in others.

     12. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores.

Visit The Mayo Clinic for more information about stress and the holidays. PC&CC counselors are always available for consultation and referral.

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THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: Rebecca Sears, M.Div; LPC; Faculty, Imago International Institute
     Rebecca Sears is watching herself change as her vision and mission move beyond the counseling room to peacemaking in the wider world.

     A pastoral psychotherapist at PC&CC since 1986, Rebecca has seen her practice develop from working with individual clients to couples, and from couples sessions to couples workshops. This progression carried on as she became a clinical instructor with the Imago Institute training therapists in the U.S. as well as in Russia. Today she is seeing the circle widening, as she works to empower caregivers – including clergy, healthcare workers, and professors – with the Imago theory.

     “I am getting toward that point where I really want to pass on what I know and am becoming more of a mentor,” Rebecca explains. “I love my work, and what I want to be doing even more of is this new work of consultation, supervision, and training therapists.” The response she has received is affirming this transition, as Rebecca is now in the process of training 17 counselors in DC, 12 in St. Louis, and nine more in Russia.

     Rebecca emphasizes that while therapists often are more drawn to this relationship work, its impact has broader applications. She recently spoke with an oncology nurse who attended a Getting the Love You Want workshop with her husband. “She said, ‘This has improved my relationship so much and I want to figure out how to use it in my work. What can I do?’” Rebecca said. “A lot of people are coming with similar stories – clergy, nurses, college professors, school counselors, lawyers – people who are trying to figure out how to bring this quality of being more relational, dialogical, and doing something that really improves the world, into the work they’re already doing.”

     Rebecca is teaching a 2-day Flexible Access Clinical Training on February 29 and March 1, 2008 – a.k.a. FACT – that introduces the clinical theory of Imago therapy. The program can be credited toward the full, 96-hour certification process if one wants to pursue that track, but it does provide an intense presentation of the Imago dialogue process. “This program is open to anyone who wants to learn more and understand the concrete skills to increase safety in relationships. We all want to do it, but we just don’t know how.

     “The dialogue helps teach people how listen to each other and stay connected in stressful times,” Rebecca says. “Clergy really appreciate this training because they are responsible for so much pastoral care. People go to their clergy before they go anywhere else when it comes to interpersonal issues. Most of us, when we went to, seminary had limited classes in this work. If we had enough it was how to be good and pastoral, and then pass it on if we were out of our element. The clergy who have trained in Imago have been using it in their counseling, in their relationships, and in their work with congregations.”

Rebecca Sears works at PC&CC’s offices in Dupont Circle and Takoma Park. She may be reached at 202-449-3789 x702. Click here for more information on Imago Relationship Therapy.

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REFERRAL CORNER: New Groups Start in New Year    

     PC&CC is sponsoring several new groups in the New Year that can help clients transform their personal relationships.
     Releasing and Transforming Anger (RTA): Anger is a normal human emotion, explains PC&CC therapist Kathleen E. Scheg. But when uncontrolled, this anger may result in broken relationships, job loss, illness, injury, and even violence. The RTA program helps people learn healthy ways to release anger, understand their triggers, and identify the underlying pain or stress. Scheg incorporates spirituality and body-centered psychotherapy into the process. This 15-week group process will take place on Wednesday evenings from 8-9:15pm at PC&CC's Takoma Park office beginning Jan. 16. For more information, contact Scheg at 202-449-3789 x710.
     Men in Transition Therapy Group: This therapeutic support group will help men deal with a variety of life transitions. Led by Carl Siegel and Nathan Gehlert, the group will meet biweekly on Fridays starting Feb. 1 at United Church in Foggy Bottom. Call 202-669-6417 for more information.
     Couplehood as a Spiritual Path (CASP): This Lenten educational course aims to help couples integrate Imago principles within their own religious frameworks and foster spiritual growth. Not a therapeutic process, CASP's main goal is to build, support and strengthen committed love relationships by growing together in faith. Led by Siegel, with assistance from Gehlert and Carolyn Buresh, this course is an opportunity for couples to actualize the inherent spiritual impulse embedded in committed relationships. CASP will take place from 7-9pm on six Sunday nights in Lent, beginning Feb. 10 at PC&CC's Takoma Park office. Please contact Siegel at 202-669-6417 for more information.
     Imago Relationship Therapy Group for Couples: This group is for couples wanting ongoing group support in the process of utilizing Imago Relationship Therapy. Led by Siegel and assisted by Buresh and Gehlert, the group will meet biweekly beginning Feb. 10 from 4:30-6:30pm at PC&CC's Takoma Park office. Call 202-669-6417 for more information.

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RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH
Resetting Expectations, Preparing for Holiday Stress

      "If we are honest, most of us will admit that with the holidays come all sorts of complicated expectations for perfection: a perfectly decorated house; the perfect gift; and perfect harmony in our relationships," says PC&CC therapist Ginny Graham. "Try to let go of the myth of perfection that the media goes to such great lengths to promote. Instead, decide on only one aspect of the holidays and focus your need for perfection there." Graham suggests concentrating on great cookies, a pretty tree, or well-wrapped gifts. As for all of the other aspects of the holiday, she advises that we try to maintain a sense of humor for the predictable craziness that often sets in.

      She also recommends preparing in advance for the stress that often comes in the door with anticipated guests at holiday time. "For many, adult children will be coming home to visit. Their needs, both conscious and unconscious, can add even more fuel to the fires of our already challenged relationships," Graham says. "Couples who talk ahead of time about the predictable anxiety that might occur stand a better chance than those who blind themselves with the hope that this time everybody will get along. This attempt to step back ahead of time becomes a gift of awareness, that couples can offer each other."

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PC&CC EVENT CALENDAR

• Releasing and Transforming Anger: 15-week group process begins Jan. 16. Contact Kathleen E. Scheg at 202-449-3789 x710.
• Getting the Love You Want Workshops for Couples: These weekend workshops can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. Past attendees have described the experience as powerful, deeply spiritual, inspiring, and fun. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next Washington, DC workshop will be Jan. 26-27.
• Men in Transition Therapy Group: Biweekly group starts Feb. 1. Contact Carl Siegel at 202-669-6417.
• Couplehood as a Spiritual Path: Lenten educational course begins Feb. 10. Contact Siegel at 202-669-6417.
• Imago Relationship Therapy Group for Couples: Biweekly group starts Feb. 10. Contact Siegel at 202-669-6417.