Soul Matters... December 2008

The Spirit in 'Holiday Spirit'
The Magic of Meditation
By Bob Gordon, M.S., M.A.
     People use meditation and contemplation to gain calmness and perspective, lower blood pressure, augment medical treatments, reach beyond thought and senses to heightened states of awareness, and for many other reasons. Why not use these practices to renew the spiritual aspect of the winter holidays? Since it's no secret that the holidays offer their fair share of stress, another benefit of meditative practice is to detach in a healthy way from sources of strain and anxiety.
     Many religious people find the winter holidays boost their feeling of connection to God. For Christians, the lights of the Christmas tree inspire a sense of the divine. According to William V. Rauscher, "Martin Luther is credited with being inspired by the starry heavens one night, and expressing his feelings to his family by bringing a fir tree into his home, and attaching lighted candles to its branches." Yechezkel Gold observes, "The Hanukkah lights' soft glow suffuses the room's atmosphere. Hanukkah's genial warmth and beauty are a message exceeding the power of any explanation."
     All too often, such inspired moments are eclipsed by the busyness, materialism, and social obligations that also go with the winter holidays. Suppose we took some time each day for silent communion with God? Or what if those fortunate enough to be able take a few days from their responsibilities scheduled a short, silent winter retreat? Silent meditation calms the "monkey mind" and makes us aware of the presence of spirit.
     Best-selling spiritual author Eckhart Tolle holds that "There is a superior intelligence beyond thought." Father Thomas Keating writes, "Contemplative prayer is the world in which God can do anything. To move into that realm is the greatest adventure." That realm, or intelligence, is the heart and goal of the world's meditative traditions.
     Happily, these traditions also provide a wide spectrum of everyday benefits as well. Research funded by the National Institute of Health's Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine found that meditation benefits us physically (lower heart rate, faster recovery from stress, reduced muscle tension), mentally (enhanced cognitive abilities, better concentration, sharper memory), and emotionally (better potential for self-actualization, anxiety reduction, increased emotional stability).
     Given all this, it's both prudent and enjoyable to add daily meditation to your prayers of supplication and wellness practices. Two well-known forms of meditation are mindfulness meditation, which involves simply observing (without judgment) the thoughts and sensations that arise as you sit quietly, and meditation on a mentally spoken word, words, or sounds, a form shared by the Judaic, Christian, Muslim, and Indian Vedic Traditions.
Several counselors at the Pastoral Counseling & Consultation Center of Greater Washington are trained in spiritual direction and can provide assistance in learning meditative and contemplative practices.

THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: Rabbi Slatkin Publishes Book
     Beyond his couples counseling practice, PC&CC's Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is a committed author and busy public speaker on the topic of marriage. His years of research and experience culminated in the recent publication of a new book that combines ancient Jewish wisdom with the relationship-building tools of Imago Relationship therapy.
     "The Jewish Marriage Book: Improving Your Marriage One Jewish Holiday at a Time" is written as a companion to the Jewish holiday calendar. Rabbi Slatkin holds that these observances can serve as vehicles for personal growth. "Each holiday has a new teaching and practical lesson that can be applied to your marriage," he explains. For example, the book considers the challenges of marital forgiveness with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, and rededicating one's self to partnership during Chanukah, the holiday honoring the rededication of the temple in Jerusalem.
     The new book is appropriate for anyone who appreciates the wisdom of Judaism, Rabbi Slatkin says. "As I continually study Judaism, I have felt that these Jewish teachings strongly resonated with the work I was doing with couples. Imago made sense from a Jewish spiritual sense and I wanted to share that with others, especially in my community," he notes.
     "The response has been wonderful. People have commented that this book makes Imago accessible in a comfortable way that really makes sense with their faith," Rabbi Slatkin reports. He is making the book available for immediate download through his website at www.thejewishmarriagebook.com or people may contact him for a print copy.
Rabbi Slatkin works from PC&CC's offices in Ellicott City, Md. He may be reached at 202-449-3789 x706.

REFERRAL CORNER: New Services in Georgetown

PC&CC is pleased to announce the opening of our newest office in Georgetown. Beginning this month, clients seeking individual and Imago Relationship therapy will be able to meet with a counselor on the grounds of Grace Episcopal Church (pictured, at right) at 1041 Wisconsin Ave., NW, just below the canal. The new office is in the quiet rectory building, with a view of the church courtyard. It is convenient to multiple bus lines, including the Georgetown Metro Connection, DC Circulator, and Metrobus, as well as the Foggy Bottom Metrorail station.

Please call Stacy Notaras Murphy at 202-449-3789 x713 or email her for more information.

PC&CC NEWS & NOTES

PC&CC's Kathleen Scheg will participate in Mark Lawrence's workshop on "Somatic Imagery and Ego State Psychotherapy" at the Center for Imagery and Healing on Dec. 5 and 6. Scheg also will start another series of her popular RTA: Releasing and Transforming Anger group starting January 14. The 15-week group will meet on Wednesdays at 8pm in Takoma Park. Contact Scheg at 202-449-3789 x710.
This month Stacy Notaras Murphy has been invited to present an introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy to the interns at the Catholic University counseling center on Dec. 17. She also plans to attend a "Sex and Attachment: Assessment & Implications for Treatment" continuing education workshop on Dec. 5.
In January, Carolyn Buresh will lead the Couplehood as a Spiritual Path course at Ashton United Methodist Church near Olney, Md. The group will meet Sunday evenings from 7-9pm starting Jan. 25, at a cost of $160 per couple. All course materials and refreshments are included. Call 202-301.787.9034 or email her for more information.
The ongoing QuarterLife+10 therapy group for unmarried professionals in their mid-20s to mid-30s is open to additional members. Topics include work/career, spirituality, relationships, and exploring the question "Where do I want to be in 10 years?" For more information, please contact Nathan Gehlert at 202-449-3789 x716 or email him.
Our "Getting the Love You Want" workshops for couples can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. Past attendees have described the experience as powerful, deeply spiritual, inspiring, and fun. The weekend course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. Click here for more information.

RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH: Holiday Gifts
When I was newly married, I must have expected my husband to read my mind. I sulked when presented with a sweater he had worked hard to select. "He should have known this is a bad color for me!" My heart sank: clearly the marriage was based on some horrible misunderstanding. I wanted to gather my skirts about me and scurry to my tower so as to get a head start on growing a very long braid. Deep in my melodramatic heart I knew that if he really loved me, if he really knew me, he would have known I look hideous in beige. My handsome prince would have known to get me the plum-colored mohair!
I now understand that these are normal feelings as we learn to negotiate the path from romantic love to mature friendship and back again. It makes sense that we'd need some new skills. In their materials for the Couplehood as a Spiritual Path program, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt offer a simple exercise to eliminate some of the guesswork. Invite your partner to tell you about things you currently do to make him feel loved. Then ask him about things you used to do but don't do as often these days. Write these down. Partners, please respond in positive language - what she does that makes you feel special (instead of how happy you are that she has quit doing XYZ!). Say something about how this simple act makes you feel special. "I feel loved when you bring me coffee in the morning. This reminds me of when Mom and I used to drink cocoa and read the comics together before school." Be sure to switch roles. Each of you now has a clearer picture of how to make the other feel cared for this holiday season.

- Carolyn Buresh