January 2010 Vol. 4, Issue 1
Your connection to the latest news and information from PC&CC
 

A Resolution You Can Keep:
Build Connections
By Stacy Notaras Murphy, M.S., LPC
     Yes, this is another article about New Year’s resolutions. But it’s not what you think. I’m not going to give you tips for sticking to that diet, or preach about the value of accountability when you want to quit smoking. Rather, this column is about taking better care of your mental health, by resolving to help others this year.
     It’s not as altruistic as you might fear. Studies have shown that giving of yourself can raise your mental health status. Simply put: helping others helps you, too. At the same time, many suggest that focusing on the traditional New Year’s resolution lineup – eating differently, stopping bad habits, saving money – can actually exacerbate a negative self image, which may lower self-esteem and increase depression symptoms.
     Intentionally cultivating healthy social interest can be a step in the right direction. Individual psychology founder Alfred Adler emphasized the benefits of building a life based on “social interest” or furthering the welfare of others. Contrasting healthy social interest with damaging self-interest, Adler held that those who make life decisions based on improving the lives of others eliminate any deeply-rooted inferiority complexes and feel the life-giving benefits of being part of a community.
     Helping others isn’t always just about putting in hours at the soup kitchen. Sometimes opportunities to exercise generosity and compassion stare us right in the face – on the Metro, in the office, or during coffee hour at church. The way many of us live our lives in this busy, stressed-out city may not make much room for connecting with others, but social networks impact happiness in ways we are just starting to understand. In their new study published last month in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, “Alone in the Crowd: The Structure and Spread of Loneliness in a Large Social Network,” Cacioppio, Christakis, and Fowler reveal that loneliness is somewhat contagious and can lead to the disintegration of the larger society. Noting that the average American experiences loneliness 46 days each year, the research shows that this number is reduced by 5 percent for every friend a person has. Conclusion: making friends is good for you and your neighborhood.
     Let’s resolve, then, to do something new this year that actually improves the lives of others while also making us feel like we are part of something larger than ourselves. Perhaps you will find a place to volunteer your time each week, or finally seek out that awkward or lonely coworker and invite him to lunch. Or maybe you want to learn more about living your life in a more ecologically-friendly manner, or you want to join a book group that explores the impact of U.S. foreign policy. My clients have reported good luck with Meetup.com, a free online social network that organizes groups or “meetups” on an infinite number of searchable topics. Find other ways to connect with like-minded people through your place of worship, library, and neighborhood service organizations.
     We help others, and ourselves, when we connect. Committing to make deeper relationships with others – when volunteering, when commuting, when studying, whenever – is one resolution with the potential to change the world.
ISSUES SPOTLIGHT: Mental Health Parity
By Nathan Gehlert, M.S., NCC
     Starting today, there's a good chance that your health insurance plan will offer better coverage for mental health services.
     As part of the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008, most private sector health plans will be required to provide insurance coverage for mental and addictive disorder services with the same terms as other types of care. In other words, terms such as “reimbursements,” “number of visits,” “annual and lifetime caps,” and “copayments” for counseling, medications, and related mental health services must be the same as treatment for a physical condition or illness. Many insurance policies used to place arbitrary limits on the number of counseling sessions that individuals could obtain, but in 2010 they will no longer be able to do that.
     There are limitations to the legislation. It only applies to group plans of companies employing 50 or more people. Consequently, it does not apply to Medicare or Medicaid. There is also no requirement that insurance companies provide mental and addictive disorder treatment. They are only required to provide it at the same level if they do provide it.
     While 42 states have had mental health parity requirements of some form, the Federal legislation supersedes laws with weaker requirements. The District of Columbia, Maryland, and Virginia are among the states that legislated some level of mental health parity. Since the state parity laws are different and complex, it's a good idea to check with your insurance company or human resources department to see if your coverage will increase in 2010. Your PC&CC counselor is also available to help you navigate the complex system.
REFERRAL CORNER: Self Leadership
By Beret Moyer, M.S., NCC
     Many clients ask how they can use the techniques and information they receive in counseling at home to continue the therapeutic process between sessions. The following is an example of a method that addresses this. This integrative method of therapy is called Internal Family Systems therapy or IFS, also called Self-Leadership or Self Therapy.
     Dick Schwartz created and developed this method of therapy over several years, to help clients involve themselves in their own healing and growth process, and to learn which parts of themselves are controlling behavior, thoughts, and emotions; also, how to access and learn about those parts, and how to use Self to lead their various parts to wholeness.
     According to IFS, within each of us there resides a family of “parts”; these parts play specific roles, which, over the years may take on exaggerated or even dysfunctional behaviors due to painful childhood experiences. Some examples of parts may include the Angry Part, Sad Part, Critical Part, the Judge, the Confused Part, the Clown, Terrified Part, the Temper Tantrum/Spoiled Child Part, Procrastinator, Little Child, or the Unfeeling/Heartless Part.
     Our parts have good intentions – they mean to protect us and are there to serve us. However, they often, unwittingly, accomplish just the opposite because of overzealous and exaggerated energy that has built up over years of unconscious beliefs and interpretations of people and the world in general. Traditional psychology calls some of these parts defenses. The difference here is that IFS helps clients get to know their parts out of curiosity and compassion, and learn to separate or unblend from them when necessary.
     Key in IFS therapy is the concept of Self and learning to stay in Self. Self in this context is understood as the overarching, compassionate, wise, mature, and curious center that is never judgmental, critical, or rejecting. Self can be thought of as the person God created us to be, whole, loving, and complete. It is our spiritual center. The chaotic parts need a leader – they need the Self to direct, regulate, allow, understand, integrate, and love them. Our parts have different roles; some of our parts are Protectors which serve to protect us from pain, hurt, and vulnerability, and some of our parts are Exiles, the painful, young child memories and feelings from which the Protectors are guarding us.
     Jay Earely, in his book Self Therapy, writes: “Because Exiles hold pain from your past, they are pushed away by protectors. They are exiled from your inner life and kept in a dark dungeon away from the light of consciousness. An Exile is usually caught in its own little world and is unaware that you have grown up and developed the capacity to take care of yourself, make decisions … All it is aware of is a certain painful situation from your earlier life. Whenever something happens in the present that is similar, it reactivates the pain which comes bubbling up toward the surface. Then your Protectors go into high gear to prevent you from having to feel it.”
     Through training and practice, the Self can learn to recognize these different parts, find out what they are trying to do and why, and what roles they have assumed. The Self learns to sit in the seat of consciousness and unblend from the activated parts. “When you are in Self, you are grounded, centered, non-reactive … and when all the parts have stepped aside [and have been understood and integrated], what is left is me, freed-up me” (Earley, 2009).
For more information on IFS, visit www.selfleadership.org.
PC&CC NEWS & NOTES
  • This semester, Dr. Joanne Comstock is teaching both Clinical Case Supervision I and Pro-Seminar at Loyola University in Maryland.
  • Nathan Gehlert was recently interviewed by The Washington Post Express Night Out newspaper. Read the story here.
  • This month, Stacy Notaras Murphy will participate in a training on treating difficult patients at the Washington School of Psychiatry with Dr. J. Scott Rutan.
  • Kathleen E. Scheg is kicking off another round of her popular anger management group, RTA: Releasing and Transforming Anger on Jan. 20. The 15-week series will take place in our Takoma Park office on Wednesdays from 8-9:15pm. Please contact Scheg at 202-449-3789 x710 for more information.
  • Our “Getting the Love You Want” workshops for couples led by Carl Siegel and Rebecca Sears can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next workshop will be Jan. 29-31 at Wellspring Retreat Center in Germantown, Md. Please call Carl for more information at 202-449-3789 x701.
  • The ongoing QuarterLife+10 therapy group for unmarried professionals in their mid-20s to mid-30s is open to additional members. Topics include work/career, spirituality, relationships, and exploring the question "Where do I want to be in 10 years?" For more information, please contact Nathan Gehlert at 202-449-3789 x716 or email him.
RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH: Annual Review
     As we turn the page on a new year, many of us intend to make 2010 the time we improve our personal relationships. We often jot down a few personal goals at the beginning of each year, and if you are like me, within a few months the list has been forgotten or eclipsed by the “stress du jour.” How can this year be different? 
     Although the very point of goal setting is to look forward and take personal responsibility, sometimes, especially in relationships, it is helpful to look back as well as forward and to set goals together as a couple. This ensures that goals are informed by what both partners believe is and is not working well in the relationship. Using the Imago dialogue, ask your partner a few of these annual review questions, mirror the answers, then switch. I think you’ll find the answers a great starting point for setting collaborative relationship goals in 2010. Check your progress during weekly or monthly dialogs with your partner. Happy New Year!
  • How did I add to your life in 2009?
  • How would you like me to add to your life in 2010?
  • What helped you to feel loved and safe in 2009?
  • What would help you to feel loved and safe in 2010?
  • What precious memories do you have from 2009?
  • What precious memories would you like to create in 2010?
  • How did you see me grow in 2009?
  • In what ways would you like me to grow in 2010?
  • What did you learn from me in 2009?
  • What would you like us to learn in 2010?
 The above questions were developed by Ola Stasiak-Brough, an Imago Therapist in Atlanta, Ga.

The Pastoral Counseling and Consultation Center of Greater Washington
7003 Piney Branch Road, NW | Washington DC, 20012
 7 Convenient Locations in DC Metro Area
www.pastoralcounselingdc.com | 202-449-3789