Soul Matters... June 2007

The Pastoral Conversation

Spirituality Key to Self-Control?

Billions of dollars are spent each year on healthcare costs to treat illnesses caused by preventable behaviors such as smoking, alcoholism, and over-eating. Meanwhile, billions more are spent on diet foods, fitness programs, surgeries, and smoking cessation products. These hefty expenditures can be boiled down to one aim – combating issues of poor self-control.

As part her dissertation work, PC&CC therapist Joanne Comstock investigated the relationship between self-control and one’s spirituality or religious practice. Given that persons with high self-control often exhibit good interpersonal skills, excel in school, and demonstrate better psychological adjustment, Comstock was curious whether a spiritual or religious outlook might improve one's ability to exercise self-control as part of overall wellness.

Comstock’s results showed that congregational support has a significant positive relationship to one’s sense of self-control. She found that religious communities support moral behavior and self-control: for example, many of the Ten Commandments prohibit socially disruptive behaviors, as well as promote stability and harmony among people. Comstock also discovered a negative relationship between spiritual discontentment and self-control. Therefore, she notes, “a person who is alienated spiritually may have less self-control in other aspects of his life.”

The study’s conclusions have many implications for the practice of pastoral counseling. “Helping a person to resolve spiritual struggles could have an impact on a person’s ability to exercise self-control,” Comstock says. “If a person is able to eliminate his or her experience of spiritual discontent, it is possible other aspects of self regulation may improve.” Counselors equipped with tools for examining spiritual struggles might be able to offer clients a unique pathway toward improving self-control, boosting overall productivity and well-being.

This is the third in a series addressing "The Pastoral Conversation." Feel free to contact Joanne Comstock for more information about her research.

REFERRAL CORNER: Counseling Techniques May Boost Self-Esteem

These days, everyone from Oprah to the nightly newscasters are prone to discussions about self-esteem. Everyone seems to know the value of feeling good about one’s own qualities – it can be motivating, curative, and even essential to survival. Low self-esteem can lead to hopelessness, anxiety, and depression.

But there’s more to improving self-esteem than simply identifying a low supply. Consideration and active management of self-esteem often is a key aspect of healing with psychotherapy. In recent years, cognitive-behavioral techniques (CBT) have been shown to help some clients learn to identify how negative thoughts result in negative feelings and the low self-esteem that can perpetuate depression and anxiety. David D. Burns, M.D., is a leader in the CBT field. He advocates maintenance of daily mood logs to help clients recognize patterns of thoughts and feelings. He suggests the following ways to “untwist your thinking” that may help clients take control of their emotions and distinguish between healthy and damaging thoughts:

Identify the distortions – use a chart to connect a specific distortion to each negative thought,
The Straightforward Approach – substitute a more positive and realistic thought,
The Cost-Benefit Analysis – list the advantages and disadvantages of a negative feeling, thought, belief, or behavior,
Examine the Evidence – instead of assuming that a negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it,
The Survey Method – do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic,
The Experimental Method – do an experiment to test the accuracy of your negative thought,
The Double-Standard Technique – talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you might talk to a dear friend who was upset,
The Pleasure-Predicting Method – predict how satisfying activities would be, from 0% to 100%, then record how satisfying they turn out to be,
Be Specific – stick with reality and avoid judgments about reality.

Working together with a counselor, clients can learn to apply these techniques to everyday situations, while maintaining accountability for their goals. Feel free to contact our PC&CC counselors anytime for consultation about self-esteem building and other emotional issues.

– Information found in Ten Days to Self-Esteem by David D. Burns, M.D.

THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: Gabriel S. Dy-Liacco, Ph.D., LCPC

The youngest of six children, Gabriel Dy-Liacco grew up knowing how to listen to others. “At a young age I became the go-between in my family. It really was something I enjoyed doing, and it seemed to follow me around in high school, college, at work, and so on,” he recalls.

But it wasn’t until he came across Sigmund Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams that Dy-Liacco thought his childhood skill could translate into a lifelong career. “There was a girl I liked and she had to write a book report, so I helped her write it about The Interpretation of Dreams. I was 14 years old and understood probably very little of it, but I was fascinated by the idea that one could understand so much from so little information culled from someone’s dreams.”

Born in Peru and raised in Japan and the Philippines, Dy-Liacco came to know a variety of psychotherapy-trained Roman Catholic priests. As he explored their field, he found himself dissatisfied when they would refer him to spiritual directors rather than incorporate spiritual discussion into their psychotherapeutic work. “The one person who didn’t do that, and who helped me the most, was a pastoral counselor. He engaged me directly at the spiritual level and that was the most meaningful thing for me,” he says.

Dy-Liacco considered seminary for a time, and then tried other positions until he realized that listening to people was his true calling. In 1996, he moved to the United States to study at Loyola College’s pastoral counseling department, the same school that trained the pastoral counselor he knew back home. “Ever since I’ve been doing this work, doors have been opening left and right. Each time, it’s almost as if the place I need to go just opens up,” he reflects. This summer a new door opened to Dy-Liacco, as he began work as an assistant professor at Loyola teaching clinical and research courses at the doctoral and master’s levels.

Dy-Liacco’s time at PC&CC includes work with couples, depression, anxiety, adult survivors of abuse, addictive behaviors, and psycho-spiritual issues. He is known to work with difficult clients in a gentle and compassionate manner. He has recently completed training in Imago Relationship Therapy and also enjoys working with counseling groups.

Dy-Liacco works in PC&CC’s offices in Columbia and Four Corners, Md. He may be reached at 202-449-3789 x705.

Relationship Tip of the Month

A New Vision for Partnering

There is a new archetype of partnership evolving in our culture. Marriage is alive and well, but the form of marriage is changing, as all forms do when they no longer fulfill their originating purpose. The personal marriage, which is dominant today, focuses on meeting personal needs at the expense of the relationship. This is the marriage that is being abandoned by more than 50 percent of couples every year. The lesson our culture is learning very painfully is that it does not work to be self-centered, to look out for only yourself…

The marriage of the future will become a partnership where the focus is no longer on the individuals involved, but on the relationship itself. For the first time in history, marriage will be healing, because it will restore wholeness and transform society. The partnership marriage will be characterized by commitment, dialogue, the absence of negativity, and the increase of appreciation, empathy, and kindness. Monologue will be replaced by dialogue, symbiosis with differentiation, and conflict with connection. The current question is, “How can this marriage meet my needs?” The new question will be, “What does our relationship need?”…

Don’t settle for the idea of healing through love. Don’t mistake the intellectualization for the experience. Take hold of love for yourself. Don’t rest until you experience in every cell of your being what it means to partake of the joy of a connected relationship and the generosity of life. Take in the breath, light, water, and earth that are your true inheritance. Be a receiver first and then be a giver. That’s the joy and the power of putting your relationship first.

–From Receiving Love, by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt

PC&CC EVENT CALENDAR:

Our “Getting the Love You Want” workshops for couples can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple’s ongoing marriage counseling. Past attendees have described the experience as powerful, deeply spiritual, inspiring, and fun. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next Washington, DC workshop will be July 14-15, and the slots are filling up fast! Click here for more information.