June 2009 Vol. 3, Issue 6
 

The Perfect Father's Day Gift
     The month of June is bookended by two holidays stereotypically loved by men – Memorial Day and the 4th of July. Consider that both Father’s Day and the official start of summer are both found in the middle of the month, and it makes sense that right now is a time when men feel at their best. As such, June is also home to “Men’s Health Week” this year from the 15th through the 21st. Despite the importance of various health issues to a man’s ability to enjoy summer, men are much less likely to seek help for physical and emotional stresses than women.

        According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), American women are 100 percent more likely than men to visit a healthcare provider for annual examinations and for preventative services. Meanwhile, 24 percent of those men smoke, versus 18 percent of women. The number of overweight males over age 20 tops 72 percent, while females total 62 percent. Undiagnosed depression contributes to the fact that men are four times as likely to commit suicide as women. The CDC notes that women are more likely to have a usual source of care and more often use medical care for screening and health education than men. In short, males have just as much of a need to take care of their health as females, and yet they continue to make harmful lifestyle choices while failing to seek help.

        Further, men’s health actually is a women’s issue. According to the Men’s Health Network, the 2000 Census revealed a connection between male health and female poverty rates. The Census showed that 14 percent of women who marry men their own age enter retirement as widows, a classification that often correlates with loss of income and increasing debt. Maintaining men’s physical and emotional health can protect the entire family.

        The Men’s Health Network invites families to talk about men’s fitness and wellbeing this month in order to spread information about preventable health problems and encourage early detection. Consider giving a Father’s Day card with a prostate cancer screening appointment as a gift, plan fitness activities that you can do as a family, or make an appointment for couples or family therapy to help get your conversation going.

For more information about Men’s Health Week, visit http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/
THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: Carolyn Buresh, Pastoral Counselor
     If Carolyn Buresh had to distill her counseling approach into one word, it just might be “welcome.” In her work as a counselor at PC&CC, Buresh looks for opportunities to share her clients’ journeys on the road to spiritual integration and emotional healing.
     Most everyone has felt like an outsider at one time or another. Buresh is no exception. Recalling uncomfortable experiences in her own life has helped her become attuned to others’ feelings of being different or unsure. She explains that what she desired during those moments is also what she seeks for her clients – a sense of being invited, welcomed, and accepted. “I do believe this work is sacred,” she says, “‘Welcome’ is the gateway, the starting point.”
     When Buresh decided to study counseling, she knew she wanted to pursue pastoral psychotherapy. “Spirituality is a powerful reality that colors everything yet it is often completely overlooked or denied,” she says. “Even someone who claims no spirituality is actually demonstrating a worldview that affects her in so many ways. I can find a hook there to inform my work. That is why I can always practice pastoral counseling even if the spiritual is never explicitly mentioned.”
     Recalling a professor’s use of the word “interpathy, “ Buresh describes a key part of the counseling process – sitting with another person’s reality and trying to experience it through the eyes of that person. “I love hearing other people’s stories. I get very involved and experience a real sense of flow. In that moment, nobody exists except the person in front of me.” She adds, “Being in that relationship is a big responsibility. But it’s also a gift.”
     Buresh finds it rewarding to work with people from backgrounds and cultures different than her own. “I find I can bracket off my own experience and enter into another perspective,” she explains. “I like that place of curiosity. When you reach it, you can empathize on a deeper level.” She says she finds few barriers to building and facilitating connections in the counseling room. “Clients who are welcomed learn to welcome one another,” she notes.
     Trained in Imago Relationship Therapy, Buresh enjoys helping couples strengthen their relationship while teaching them the tools they need to communicate effectively outside the counseling room. “This is very practical stuff,” she explains. “Of course I will be here to help, but this is a very accessible therapy. Couples can start taking bits home fairly quickly.”
     As a mother of three children, Buresh understands the time demands placed upon families in this area, and she has fashioned a work schedule to accommodate the needs of her clients. “Practically speaking, many people cannot leave work in the middle of the day, and if they have spouses or other family members engaged in the counseling, it’s even more difficult.” For this reason, she makes time available during evening hours and on weekends.

Buresh works in PC&CC’s Takoma Park office. She may be reached at 202-449-3789 x717
REFERRAL CORNER: Quarterlife Issues
     An increasing number of people in their 20s and 30s are experiencing challenges as they move through their young adult years. Compared with their parents, more young adults these days are living at home, carrying larger sums of debt, and moving between multiple jobs as they seek a career track. Furthermore, in the 1960s, 77 percent of women and 65 percent of men at age 30 had left home, earned a higher degree, become financially independent, married, and had a child. Today, those numbers have dropped to 46 percent of women and 31 percent of men.
     PC&CC’s Nathan Gehlert and Cate Shea noticed that more and more young clients were presenting with issues related to what has been dubbed the "quarterlife crisis." In response to this and their own experiences during their young adult years, Gehlert and Shea developed a therapy group for unmarried young adults in their 20s and 30s. The group, QuarterLife+10, helps young adults explore issues related to work/career, personhood/identity, spirituality, and relationships.
     “It’s really normal for young adults to struggle during these years,” Gehlert explains. “What they often don’t realize is that so many other young adults are struggling, too. We’ve found that the QuarterLife+10 group really helps our young clients grow through these years in a supportive and open environment.” He notes that group treatment is particularly beneficial for young adults as it helps them work through their issues, especially relationship issues, in the context of connecting with other group members. “The feedback and support they provide for each other is invaluable,” Gehlert says, adding that group treatment is often a good fit for young professionals because it can be less expensive than individual therapy.

Gehlert and Shea are accepting additional members into the QuarterLife+10 group. Please contact Gehlert at 202-449-3789 x716 or click here for more information.
PC&CC News & Notes

-This summer, PC&CC’s Dr. Joanne Comstock will teach the Professional Seminar capstone course for the Master of Science in Pastoral Counseling program at Loyola College in Maryland.

-On June 25 Bob Gordon will teach a class in “Cognitive Restructuring” at Meadow Hill Wellness, an integrative wellness center in Annapolis, Md. He also will teach "Relational Science: Five Strategies to Enhance Workplace Interaction and Group Effectiveness" at the Tai Sophia Institute on June 30.

-This spring, Stacy Notaras Murphy completed the requirements to become a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist.

-Kathleen E. Scheg will participate in a course on “Somatic Imagery® For Healing Somatic Problems: The Mind-Body Connection” this month as a complement to her body-centered counseling practice and work as a certified Core Energetics practitioner.

-Our "Getting the Love You Want" workshops for couples led by Carl Siegel and Rebecca Sears can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next workshop will be July 10-12 at Wellspring Retreat Center in Germantown, Md. Please call Carl for more information at 202-669-6417.

RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH: The Gift of Curiosity
     Going on walks with my 7-month-old son is an exciting and engaging adventure. He looks at everything with great interest and awe. No wonder he has so much curiosity: He is seeing the world for the first time!!
     In his book Curious, Todd Kashdan writes that curiosity enlarges our brain’s pathways releasing substances that produce a sense of happiness. When we are curious we are open and receptive to whatever is the target of our attention. Therefore, when we are curious about our partner we give him or her opportunity to show us a whole new world without our predisposed interpretations.
     What would it be like if for one week we asked ourselves questions like, “What questions can I ask my partner that will lead me to know him or her better without  judgment?” “How can I inspire my partner’s curiosity?” “What can I do to surprise my partner?”  “How can I do familiar things in different ways?” “How do I bring playfulness into my relationship?” Curious people are flexible, creative, and innovative. It seems to me that the old saying lacks accuracy; instead of killing the cat curiosity makes it feel alive!

- Kerley Perminio Most

The Pastoral Counseling and Consultation Center of Greater Washington
7003 Piney Branch Road, NW | Washington DC, 20012
 7 Convenient Locations in DC Metro Area
www.pastoralcounselingdc.com | 202-449-3789