March 2010 Vol. 4, Issue 3
Your connection to the latest news and information from PC&CC
 

Our Big,
New Mission
 By Shelly Webb
     “Saving the World One Relationship at a Time.” 
     Sounds like a lofty and improbable goal, right? Well, not to the ever-expanding community of Imago professionals in 27 countries. Thanks to the vision and encouragement of Imago theory creators, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, this goal has been set before us.
     Their philosophy involved working “upstream” to address the social problems which negatively affect all of us. By starting with the “fulcrum” of the couple, and working to bring healing and growth to them, the journey of health and connection flows upstream to families, neighborhoods, communities, and societies. See how easy saving the world “one relationship at a time” really can be?
     All of us here PC&CC not only believe in this goal, but are actively taking the lead in making it happen through two big additions to our current offerings. The first is that we have become the first-ever “Imago Center” in the world. This means that the whole staff is now either certified or actively training to become Imago professionals. Our Executive Director Carl Siegel explains: "PC&CC is committed to providing all couples and families in our community with the best educational and therapeutic services possible."
     We remain PC&CC and will continue our long-time services; but in terms of couples work we are embracing Imago as our baseline theory. The new and exciting addition to our work is the offering of three Relationship Education Seminars. If Imago is really going to save the world, we need to give it a broad audience with diverse needs. We hope you will become Imago ambassadors and bring word of these new opportunities to your own communities – religious organizations, community or civic groups, parent groups, continuing education programs, and your friends and family.
     What are these three Seminars?
  • Imago Connects – A 3-hour introduction to Imago Theory
  • Start Right, Stay Connected – The 1-day Imago premarital course
  • Couplehood courses – 6-week sessions on deepening your relationship: Christian – A New Way to Love; General Audience – Couplehood; Jewish – Couplehood as a Spiritual Path, co-written by PC&CC’s own Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin.
     These Seminars are fun, pro-active, designed by Imago Relationships International, and our staff is specially trained to teach them. Help us save the world!
     Interested in helping us meet our goals by volunteering time, money or talents? Please call Executive Director Carl Siegel at 202-669-6417 or email.
 
Shelly Webb is PC&CC's Relationship Education Seminar coordinator. Feel free to contact her via email or (410)409-9423.
THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: CATE SHEA RIIHIMAKI, M.Ed., LPC
     Cate Shea Riihimaki recently went back to school.
     But this time she’s not adding another master’s degree, rather, she is bringing PC&CC’s counseling services to Virginia’s Madeira School. Working part-time as a contract mental health counselor, she is providing services on campus to both boarding and day students.
     Operating in conjunction with the school’s staff therapist, the academic dean, and local psychiatrists, Riihimaki is part of the school’s comprehensive treatment team. She lists low self-esteem, academic pressure, grief and loss, anxiety, depression, and interpersonal problems, as some of the topics students typically experience.
     Riihimaki’s past experience as a teacher at a day/boarding military school has come in handy in this new environment. “I am familiar with some of the additional stressors that students in such academic institutions face,” she says, adding that the natural tendency for adolescents to function in “student” roles has helped her implement specific therapeutic interventions including cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT). “CBT has proven to be a very effective method of psychotherapy for adolescents who are struggling with self-esteem issues, stress, and mood disorders,” she notes.
     While keeping a part-time schedule at Madeira, Riihimaki continues her work with private clients at PC&CC, and finds that the two areas complement one another. “My work at Madeira with adolescents helps inform my work with young adults in that clients from each respective age group are from sequential phases in human development,” she says, making the example that “if a person hasn’t successfully resolved issues typical of adolescence such as identity formation or individuation, he or she might exhibit maladaptive behaviors or dysfunctional thoughts as a young adult.”
     Such issues may impact long-term career, interpersonal relationships, and self-worth. Being attuned to adolescent issues helps Riihimaki’s work with young adults as well. “This time is marked by individuation and identity work,” she says. “It is a fascinating period of self-discovery.”
     Riihimaki also highlights her ongoing interest grief and loss work, based in part on her past experience at Washington’s Wendt Center and Pediatric AIDS/HIV Care program. “Recent research on bereavement indicates that the traditional grief ‘stages’ may not be as effective in grief work as the need to help a bereaved person redefine the emotional attachment to their loved-one,” she says. “This relationship theory appeals to me because it acknowledges the personal and ongoing nature of grief work.”
Cate Shea Riihimaki works at PC&CC’s Dupont Circle office and co-leads the QuarterLife+10 therapy group. Contact her at 202-449-3789 x704.  
 
REFERRAL CORNER: HELPING KIDS RECOVER FROM A FAMILY DEATH
     Studies suggest that children need to understand and talk about death to move through it. Children’s interest in talking about a family death is not only important to their own recovery; it can make important contributions to their parents’ adjustments to the natural processes of life and death.
     Many families in our society avoid the topic of death. Since acknowledging our mortality often evokes anxiety, this avoidance is understandable. The downside is that we are not well-prepared when a family death occurs. Further, the discussions and activities that follow a death are critical to how the family’s children adapt and recover.  
     Avoidance of the topic teaches children that death is not something to be openly discussed. When a death occurs, these “sheltered” children are confused by the facts and emotions surrounding it. They may not know how to show their grief appropriately, much less discuss it and move through it. Some studies indicate that these children have more confusion and a greater need for support during later life transitions.
     What can we do instead?  Research suggests the following:
  • Open communication between parents and children can positively influence a child's understanding of death and can provide emotional support for all family members.
  • Speaking in simple, non-technical language can help reduce the confusion often surrounding the death experience for children.
  • Children should be given the opportunity to make their own decisions about participating in the various aspects of the family's death-related experience. Most bereaved children are curious and want to understand and participate in these discussions and events. Allowing them the choice and opportunity to do so aids them in understanding death and builds their ability to learn through practical experience.
     Research also indicates that a bereaved family needs support from their extended family members. This suggests that we ought not make assumptions that the bereaved immediate family “needs their privacy.” Families interviewed in research studies indicated that the support they received from family members, particularly open communication, was essential in a healthy and normal recovery.
The above information was culled from the articles, "Does Family Structure Matter" by Lansford, Ceballo, Abbey &  Stewart in the Journal of Marriage and Family, and "Family Support and a Child's Adjustment to Death," by Weber & Fournier in the journal Family Relations; Gordon also included information from Dr. Maxine Harris' book, The Loss that is Forever.
 
  
NEW GROUP TO BE 'RELATIONSHIP LABORATORY'
     Relationships can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration, anger, concern, or hurt. They can also lead to feelings of joy, happiness, and love. Maybe you're thinking that it's time to start having closer, more fulfilling relationships with your family, friends, colleagues, and/or romantic partner. “The Art of Relationships” therapy group is designed to help adult men and women who want to work on interpersonal and related issues.
     Created by staff therapist Nathan Gehlert, the group is based on the idea that creating fulfilling relationships is more of an art than a science. According to Gehlert, “The group is designed to help people practice and experience that art, to become a ‘relationship laboratory’ where group members can recreate issues and patterns that they experience in their lives. Within the safety of the group, members will have the opportunity to get honest feedback about how others experience them.”
     Typically, relationships are only one area of concern. As such, the group also will focus significantly on related topics such as assertiveness, self-esteem, boundaries, codependency, anxiety, depression, bereavement, and shyness. “These or other issues may be preventing people from experiencing life and their relationships to the fullest,” Gehlert explains. “Perhaps most importantly, the group leader and members are there to support and encourage each other every step of the way.”
     Gehlert hopes that in The Art of Relationships, group members will experience being part of a community that is similar to a healthy family. In this open and honest environment, group members can learn to express their feelings and get their needs met more effectively. “As members gain inspiration and ideas from each other and start making changes in themselves, they may start noticing how their lives and relationships start changing - and improving - outside the group,” he adds.
     The Art of Relationships will meet on Mondays from 6:30-8pm at PC&CC's Foggy Bottom location. For more information please contact Nathan Gehlert at 202-449-3789 x716 or email him.
PC&CC NEWS & NOTES
  • PC&CC is thrilled to welcome Shelly Webb to our staff as our new relationship education seminar coordinator. Webb is a Certified Imago Educator with a Masters of Divinity from Harvard and has spent over 15 years teaching adults and teenagers. Please feel free to contact her for more information about our seminar options (email or 410-409-9423).
  • On March 5, Cindy Thurston Bare will attend a training on Internal Family Systems sponsored by the Mid-Atlantic Association for Imago Relationship Therapists.
  • Nathan Gehlert has achieved license as a Licensed Professional Counselor in Washington, DC. He will make a presentation on “Structural Invariance of the Spiritual Transcendence Scale Across the Lifespan” at Loyola University in Maryland’s 8th Annual Mid-Year Conference on Religion and Spirituality on March 26.
  • Ginny Graham will attend the Psychotherapy Networker symposium this month in Washington, focusing her time on Internal Family Systems theory and eating disorder issues. Stacy Notaras Murphy also plans to attend sessions on couples counseling and working with personality disorders.
  • Cate Shea Riihimaki took part in David Burns’ “Feeling Good Now: New Rapid Recovery Techniques for Depression and Low Self-Esteem” workshop in February and also will attend the Psychotherapy Networker symposium later this month.
  • Rebecca Sears will teach the second session of Imago Relationship Therapy training for a class of 25 therapists in Tallinn, Estonia this month.
  • The ongoing QuarterLife+10 therapy group for unmarried professionals in their mid-20s to mid-30s is open to additional members. Topics include work/career, spirituality, relationships, and exploring the question "Where do I want to be in 10 years?" For more information, please contact Nathan Gehlert at 202-449-3789 x716 or email him.
  • Our Getting the Love You Want workshops for couples led by Carl Siegel and Rebecca Sears can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next workshop will be March 20-21 at Washington Theological Union in Washington, DC. Please call Carl for more information at 202-449-3789 x701.  
RELATIONSHIP TIP: WHAT'S REALLY TO BLAME?
     Anyone in a long-term relationship knows about the trivial frustrations that creep into daily life. We find ourselves keeping score and bickering over silly things like dishes left in the sink; where to go to eat; the toilet seat in the wrong position.
     Healthy couples learn to become suspicious of such irritable behavior. They know that often our relationships takes the hit when, in truth, other things may be to blame.
     The next time you find yourself particularly bad-tempered try to step back and look at the big picture. Maybe your reactivity or stonewalling is a screen for stress outside your relationship. It may mean it’s time to vent about something bigger like a deadline at work; a difficult coworker; concern over when to retire; or worry about one of your kids. You might find the problem is as simple as needing to play nine holes of golf or read a book alone for a while. Regardless, if you take a deep breath and try to be more objective, you might just keep petty irritations from spiraling in the wrong direction. Trying to think yourself past the reactivity can be a great way to promote real growth in your relationship.

The Pastoral Counseling and Consultation Center of Greater Washington
7003 Piney Branch Road, NW | Washington DC, 20012
 7 Convenient Locations in DC Metro Area
www.pastoralcounselingdc.com | 202-449-3789