May 2011 Vol. 5, Issue 5
Your connection to the latest news and information from PC&CC
 

Managing Group Diversity:
Communologue Training
      Are you a supervisor, leader, or teacher looking for a more conscious way to facilitate groups? Do you want to learn a dynamic way of improving your consulting abilities? The Imago-based Communologue process may be just what you’re looking for.
     PC&CC/The Imago Center is sponsoring a two-day Communologue training with world-renowned Imago therapist Orli Wahrman next month. Communologue is a powerful tool for applying Imago Relationship principles in a group context. Rebecca Sears (pictured at right, with Wahrman) is a strong believer in the Communologue process.
    “It can be used for conflict resolution, healthy decision making in large/diverse groups by utilizing the skills of dialogue, pre-validation, and safety for all perspectives. It becomes a process of not just cognitive learning but actually having everyone mirrored with no crosstalk,” she explains. The program “will invite participants into a very powerful sense of self and leadership, while also offering amazing personal learning about how to manage a diverse group and teach these skills.”
    At Communologue’s core is safety and respect for the other person’s point of view. “As the process unfolds, and with the skill of the leader, the process deepens due to increased safety to speak, be heard fully and learning how powerful it is to mirror another very different perspective,” Sears adds. She has employed Communologue in group situations. “I have used Communologue several times during faculty meetings with heated topics to get the ‘stuff out’ safely in the group,” Sears recalls.
     “The group agrees to be facilitated, timed, coached to speak from their experience [and] no one is required to speak, all will be mirrored. The process goes in rounds, [with] each going a bit deeper as the group hears what others have said. Like with our couples, this may not lead to a resolution or final outcome, but without this type of understanding and process there will not be a group buy-in or understanding of one another.”
    Part of the training will include in-depth discussion of two of Wahrman’s successful Communologue projects: the Palestinian/Israeli Imago Project and the Jewish-Arab co-existence group. She lives in Israel and runs a private psychotherapy practice that incorporates Imago and Communologue to work with couples. She also is an Imago workshop presenter, clinical supervisor, and Imago International faculty member.
    The training will take place June 10-11, from 9am-5pm, at Washington Theological Union in Takoma Park, DC. Attendees will leave with a confident beginner's ability to facilitate Communologue. Participants enrolling prior to May 27 will pay $300, and the cost increases to $350 after that date. For more information or to register, please contact PC&CC/The Imago Center Executive Director Carl Siegel.
NEW IMAGO CENTER GROUP: Single in the City
    Single in the City, a new support group for women in their 20's and 30's will be starting in June at the Capitol Hill location on Wednesday evenings and a daytime group TBD. Learn more here. Contact Lena Aburdene at (202) 449-3789 x704 or email her.
THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: Norma Stevens, MS, NCC, LGPC
     Norma Stevens is a counselor who truly values collegial connection.
     After leaving the workforce for several years to raise her three daughters, she joined PC&CC/The Imago Center specifically due to the opportunity for connecting with the other therapists on staff.
     “I do not want to be in private practice because I would feel alone,” she explains. “I really enjoy the camaraderie that we share among the staff. We went to a training recently as a group which resulted in even a tighter bonding. It’s important to have connections to other therapists in this kind of work, to keep your work up-to-date and prevent burnout.”
     She has also found the staff to be a good place to find support and resources. “It’s wonderful to have colleagues to bounce ideas off of and learn from. There is a wealth of talent, information and expertise on our staff. They enrich my work, they enrich me personally, and I honestly feel very blessed to work here,” she adds.
     Stevens also finds connection in the pastoral approach to counseling. “I do this work to serve God by serving others. In my mind, each person in front of me is a precious child of God. I pray before each session, and I pray for my clients regularly. With couples or individuals that I know well and if it is appropriate, I pray with them to begin our session. I also discuss and explore spiritual and pastoral issues if that is of interest to the client,” she says, adding that she never proselytizes.
     She and her husband have even taught the Couplehood: a Spiritual Path program several times in the last few years. “We really enjoy it. It is very rewarding to see the couples get excited about learning new things about themselves and their relationships. It feels good to give them real, practical tools to help improve their marriage,” she explains, noting that she always gains a new appreciation of her husband during the classes.
“Preparing for the seminar often renews our own relationship at the same time. We share personal stories of ourselves during the seminar which is quite a ‘growth edge’ for both of us. Yet, time and again, the participants have indicated on the evaluations that our sharing is one of the parts of the training they liked the most.”
     In addition to working with couples, Stevens also has an interest in working with clients who have undergone trauma. “I try to create a very safe space where clients can process and integrate their traumatic experiences at their own pace – I have witnessed amazing healings and transformations,” she says.
     Stevens also enjoys working with clients facing anxiety and depression. “Many depressed people feel so badly about themselves for being depressed; their negative self-image is then reinforced by comments like, ‘Just pull yourself out of it.’  ‘Be happy.’ ‘Get over it.’ Depression is an illness that needs treatment just like cancer, diabetes or any other disease. Depressed people are depressed for a reason. It could be biochemical, environmental or both. They just can’t ‘snap out of it.’ Treatment often requires therapy, medication, and time,” she notes.
Stevens works at our Ellicott City office. She may be reached at 202-449-3789 x718
REFERRAL CORNER: Young Professionals Group
     I’ve been co-leading a group for young adults struggling with quarterlife crises for over two years now. With time I’ve become more sure in my belief that young professionals today face issues that previous generations did not face at a similar age. Young adults today are marrying later, living at home longer, making less money, and are less likely to be established in a meaningful job.
     Most recently, I’ve been surprised at how this generation is simply exhausted so often. Those who are working work long hours, for low pay and often report that when they get off of work they’re too tired to do much else than curl up on the couch with a book or the TV. Don’t get me wrong, self care is very important, but at some point a cycle of work-exhaustion-self care can get in the way of larger goals, such as a career change, enrolling in graduate school, meeting new people, or finding a partner. Not having energy to pursue these larger goals contributes significantly to feelings of stagnation, defeat, depression, and anxiety.
     The QuarterLife+10 therapy group allows single young adults to work on these and related issues in a safe and supportive environment, while also being in relationship with other young adults. Since single young adults often live away from their families and close loved-ones, this support network can be an important fulcrum in helping young adults leverage change, growth, and healing.
– Nathan Gehlert
For more information on the QuarterLife+10 group please contact Nathan Gehlert at 202-449-3789 x716 or email him .
NEWS & NOTES
  • PC&CC/The Imago Center’s Nathan Gehlert was the inaugural recipient of the Barry K. Estadt Medal for Excellence in Pastoral Counseling, which was awarded on April 29 at the Emerging Scholars event at Loyola University Maryland.
  • Robert Gordon has completed 16 hours of training in Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), a counseling method that combines psychological techniques with acupressure to change dysfunctional responses to feelings, fears, and situations.
  • Stacy Notaras Murphy is participating in the six-week Imago parenting program, “Giving the Love that Heals.”
  • Kevin Berrill will teach the Imago “Start Right, Stay Connected” seminar on Saturday, May 21 from 9am-5pm at St. Margaret's Church in Dupont Circle. The seminar is appropriate for couples who may be moving-in together or taking some other large relationship step. Call 202-449-3789 for more information.
  • Kathleen Scheg will launch a new Wednesday RTA: Releasing and Transforming Anger series on May 18. The 15-week program will run from 7:30-8:45pm in our Takoma Park office. Contact her at 202-449-3789 x710.
  • Our " Getting the Love You Want" workshops for couples led by Carl Siegel and Rebecca Sears can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. The two-day course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next workshop will be July 9-10 at the Washington Theological Union in Takoma Park, DC. Please call Carl for more information at 202-449-3789 x701.
RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH: Avoid the 4 Horsemen
     The Old Testament represents the end of the world – the Apocalypse – through the metaphor of Four Horsemen: conquest, war, hunger, and death. Marriage researcher John Gottman applies this metaphor to communication styles that have the potential to doom relationships. Gottman is known for his ability to predict with 96 percent accuracy whether a relationship will succeed or fail, simply by watching a brief videotape of a couple’s interactions. Gottman is not a psychic. He’s a researcher. He bases his predictions on four destructive marriage communication patterns he calls “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
     Criticism, as Gottman defines it, describes speech that “attacks our partner at the core.”  This is not the same as offering a critique or making a complaint, which target specific issues.  Criticism is aimed at who our partner is; it’s about minimizing their whole being.
     Contempt is characterized by ridicule, meanness, sarcasm, disrespect, name-calling, and dismissive body language such as eye-rolling sneering, and loud sighing. The effect, and sometimes the aim, of contempt is to make your partner feel worthless, and it works.    
     Defensiveness is a common, but damaging, behavior. It can be characterized by not listening, denying responsibility, making excuses, and verbally turning the tables by making the issue the other person’s fault.
     Stonewalling is when we avoid issues, either because we’re afraid to address them or because we’re not conscious of them. Predictably, the problems accumulate.    
     When any of The Four Horsemen are chronic in a relationship, we may feel like it’s time to get out, but it’s actually time to get help.
– Robert Gordon, adapted from the work of John Gottman, PhD

The Pastoral Counseling and Consultation Center of Greater Washington
7003 Piney Branch Road, NW | Washington DC, 20012
 7 Convenient Locations in DC Metro Area
www.pastoralcounselingdc.com | 202-449-3789