Soul Matters... October 2009

TRADITIONAL MEDICINE

MAKING ROOM FOR COUNSELING
     It is no real surprise that a diagnosis of heart disease or cancer may invite the hopelessness and helplessness associated with depression. But doctors treating major illnesses have not had the empirical evidence that might lead them to address depression as part of an ongoing treatment plan. Today there is increasing evidence that depression screening and treatment can benefit those facing long-term physical illness.
     A new study from the Ohio State University Comprehensive Cancer Center - James Cancer Hospital and Solove Research Institute and the Ohio State University Department of Psychology suggests that counseling interventions for those facing new breast cancer diagnosis improves depression symptoms while also reducing blood inflammation, a cancer-promoting factor that has been shown to increase the likelihood of a patient’s death. It seems that psychological therapy reduces stress, improves a patient’s coping strategies, and eventually leads to a reduction in dangerous inflammation.
     The study showed that 25-30 percent of cancer patients suffer from depression. The authors note that anxiety and depressive symptoms may be “trivialized” as a typical patient response to her circumstances. For the first time there has been a link between treating such psychological symptoms and the outcome of cancer treatment.
     Just last year the American Heart Association recommended that all heart-disease sufferers undergo depression screening, despite a lack of evidence as to whether such screenings make a difference in the progression of heart disease itself. While rates of successive heart attacks and death have shown no reduction when patients are also treated for depression, patients do report less social isolation and lessened depressive symptoms. There is little argument as to whether therapeutic treatment has an impact on a depressed patient’s quality of life. With further studies and conversation about the mind-body connection, more physicians should consider referring patients for psychological services to augment a traditional treatment plan.

THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: Cindy Thurston Bare, M.A.
     When Cindy Thurston Bare decided it was time for a new direction several years ago, she returned to the Imago theory that had helped her through a difficult divorce. “I found the book, ‘Getting the Love You Want,’ in the bookstore and it just made so much sense to me. Years later, when I decided I needed a career change I thought about Imago and wanted more people to know about it because I believe in it so much,” she explains.
     Leaving a career as director of knowledge management for a Washington law firm, Bare went back to school for a second masters degree in Pastoral Counseling at Marymount University while simultaneously training to become an Imago therapist. “I’ve gone from helping lawyers learn how to share information with their clients, to helping couples learn how to share their lives more effectively – there are definitely some parallel themes,” she adds. Meanwhile, Bare has found that her areas of interest in counseling have run parallel to her own life experiences, including an emphasis on working with couples facing infertility, second marriages, and parenting.
     “I went through my own journey with infertility after I was remarried. We spent about three years trying to conceive and we finally were successful. During that time I became very involved with [the Mid-Atlantic region of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association]. With my new professional training, I really want to give back to the community by being able to speak about this topic,” Bare says. Just last month she made a presentation about spirituality and infertility at a RESOLVE conference.
     “I spoke about why infertility really is a spiritual crisis for many people. Developmentally, for adults in their 30s, challenges in building a family are often their first experiences with intense grief and loss. We have trouble in this country knowing how to grieve death, so we don't know what to do about the pain of not being able to build a family and it is often minimized,” Bare explains. “My goal is to help couples understand that their feelings are very normal, and to see that infertility is a type of suffering. In times of suffering, people may turn to their faith more or find themselves questioning it.
     “My purpose is to help people become conscious of their thoughts and feelings about family building. We’re given a lot of information about the importance of childbearing in a marriage. We have been given a lot of ideas about why people suffer or struggle, including the idea that they’ve done something wrong or that it’s God’s plan that they not have a family. If I can help people first become conscious of their beliefs and thoughts, they can then examine those ideas and determine if they are helpful or hurtful,” she notes. "Becoming more conscious and communicating with your partner safely can then help partners feel more connected around these difficult issues."
     In her practice Bare has found that many female individual clients enter treatment to talk about spiritual or family issues, but eventually invite their partners into the counseling process with them. “I think we are all looking for connection,” she says. “I explain that there are many benefits of individual therapy, but if one of your primary goals is to improve your connection with your partner, it can really help to bring him into the room. I say, ‘we can work on our connection as therapist and client or you can work on connecting with the person you really want to be with.’”
Cindy Thurston Bare works at PC&CC’s Foggy Bottom office. She may be reached at 202-449-3789 x705.

REFERRAL CORNER: A Chance to Study with a Master
     This month, people in the Washington area who are interested in Imago Relationship Therapy have an unusual opportunity to study up close and personal with the theory’s creator, Harville Hendrix.
     Hendrix will join PC&CC’s Rebecca Sears in teaching FACT-A, a two-day introductory course in Imago at Loyola University in Maryland’s Columbia campus on Oct. 30-31. The workshop offers 12 continuing education credits and is open to students, therapists, and educators. The FACT-A program serves both as an introduction for interested parties, as well as the first two days of the 12-day training to become an Imago Relationship Therapist.
     Sears is thrilled to be able to offer this unique learning opportunity to the Washington community. “It will be a great gift to be able to spend an entire day hearing not only about the origins of Imago relationship therapy, but some of the most important and current thinking about relationships, marriage and healing,” she says.
     The event marks the first time that a university has hosted a class of this kind. “It is guaranteed to change the way you approach work as a therapist and helper, but also how you think about yourself in your relationships,” Sears notes. Having studied with Hendrix for years, Sears describes him as incisive, dynamic, and inspirational.
     For more information or to register for this event, click here.

PC&CC NEWS & NOTES

PC&CC is thrilled to welcome two new interns this fall. Caroline Bernhardt-Lanier and Cindy Stauffer are each pursuing masters degrees in pastoral counseling at Loyola University in Maryland and certification in Imago Relationship Therapy.
This month, Joanne Comstock will attend a symposium on ADHD, including practical solutions, integrated treatment techniques, and ADD-friendly lifestyles.
Robert Gordon has achieved certification as an Imago Relationship Educator.
Rebecca Sears will be presenting Imago couples workshops in Russia and Estonia this month. The Estonia event alone has 35 couples registered, with 25 couples on a waiting list. Sears is looking forward to being joined by therapist assistants from Sweden and Russia to help manage the large group.
This month, Stacy Notaras Murphy has been invited to present an introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy to the psychology interns at the Catholic University counseling center.
Rebecca Sears and Carl Siegel will teach the Couplehood as a Spiritual Path course on six Tuesday evenings at the Washington National Cathedral starting Nov. 3. Contact Siegel at 202-449-3789 x701 for more information.
Our next two-day “Getting the Love You Want” workshops for couples will be Nov. 20-22. Please call 202-449-3789 x701 for more information.

RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH: Phases of Relationship
     Are you feeling sad, disappointed, dissatisfied, even angry with the way your relationship is going? Do you sometimes wonder, “What have I gotten myself into?” or “In the beginning, we were so in love. What happened?” or “This is not the person I married.” These natural feelings arise in all couplings at one time or another.
     All relationships go through a “romantic phase” in the beginning, where the partners can feel excited, rejuvenated, even euphoric. You spend endless hours talking. Everyone is on their best behavior. This phase may last two months to three years. But eventually, all couples enter the next stage, the “power struggle.” This is where the disillusionment occurs and couples start seeing their partners in a more realistic way. We mourn the loss of the romantic phase.
     When the power struggle occurs, first know that this is a normal stage of relationship development. The next step is working on the connection. Your partner can be your greatest healer or the source of your deepest wound. The good news is that there are ways to progress into the next stage of “conscious couplehood.” In this new phase, your love will be deeper and more satisfying than what you had even in the romantic phase.
     If you think you might be mired in the power struggle and are longing for the days of your romantic phase, I suggest checking out our weekend workshops, Getting the Love You Want, or the course, Couplehood As a Spiritual Path. Both offer intentional exploration of the origins of attraction and conflict. You will understand how past hurts and experiences affect our relationships both positively and negatively. You will learn tools for healing, growth, effective communication and the attainment of deeper love and joy. Or make an appointment with an Imago therapist who will guide you on your journey. As a therapist, I have had the privilege to witness awe-inspiring relationship transformations and it is a humbling experience. You can achieve the relationship you have always wanted. It takes time, commitment and work, but the rewards are priceless. There is hope!

-Norma Stevens